Thanks & Confessions

The Simple Lunchtime Liturgy That Changes Everything

Sometimes it’s the tiniest changes that make the biggest impact on our homeschool days.

Our mornings are usually peaceful.  We have routine.  We have a fresh start.  We have the sunrise and the morning dew… but by lunchtime we’ve often dissolved into a heap of hunger, fatigue, complaining, and arguing.  Please tell me this doesn’t only happen at our house.

A few years ago we adopted one beautifully simple habit at the start of our lunchtime that helps us through this difficult time of day.

It requires no planning, no organizing or supplies.  It’s a simple liturgy that takes only a minute or two of our time.

What is a liturgy?

I came upon this idea while listening to a lecture on “The Liturgical Classroom and Virtue Formation in the Classroom” by Jenny Rallens for the Alcuin Fellowship.  (This lecture is AMAZING by the way and you can watch it here.)

In Jenny’s lecture, she refers to liturgy as the specific practices we build into our day, which cultivate the heart change that leads to a love of virtue in our children.

She urges us to carefully consider not just what we teach, but how we teach what we teach.  For instance, we can teach our children about thankfulness and repentance, but how do we actually make space for these things in their everyday lives?  How do we give them a desire to live these out?

Thanks & Confessions is a daily practice that has continued to bring about heart change in my family day after day, not because it’s magic, but because it gives us a chance to pause, reflect, repent, and praise.  In other words, it gives the Holy Spirit room to move and breathe, bringing unity and peace right in the middle of our time of inevitable conflict

Thanks & Confessions:

The first time we did this, I explained to the kids what “Thanks & Confessions” was and why we were going to try it.  Ever since that first day, the kids have taken complete ownership of it.  It is 100% theirs.

• As we sit down to the table one of the kids will usually say, “Let’s do Thanks & Confessions.”
• Everyone takes a moment to think.
• Then each child at the table has an opportunity to say:
  • a genuine “thank you” to someone at the table and/or
  • a heartfelt “I’m sorry for…” to someone at the table

There’s hardly anything else to say.  It’s that simple.

Some of the little kindnesses that may have seemed to go unnoticed are now recognized and everyone at the table feels appreciated.

Likewise, by this time in the day there is usually no shortage of things to be sorry for (at least not at our house) and now everyone has had opportunity to lift a burden of sin or misunderstanding.

Fellowship is restored wherever it might have been unraveling.

We each breathe a sigh of relief and look at each other with new eyes.

This simple habit makes a powerful shift in our attitudes for the rest of the afternoon.  And given that we tend not to be our very best selves in the afternoon, this is quite helpful.

A few notes:  

• There is no limit to the # of thanks/confessions that may be offered, but neither are they compulsory.
• I do not allow any kind of prodding, such as “Well, I sure hope you’re sorry for pushing me off the swing!”  No.  If the offended child is not offered the apology he feels is due him at this time, we can talk about it privately, not in front of everyone.
• This is a time for honest reflection and voluntary confessions.
• I often participate, always making sure to offer sincere confessions when I do.
• When I participate, I sometimes need to remind the kids not to focus too much on me.  (There are times when they would like to thank me for lots of things, rather than take the time to consider what they can thank each other for.)
• We do not actually do this every single day (there are very few things we do every single day) but we do it often and the kids will usually ask for it.

I think as moms we are naturally (and rightly) focused on helping our kids to grow in gratitude, prompting them to say thank you and reminding them to count their blessings, but for me at least, confession is something I don’t think much about except in times of confrontation.  Example: “Please tell your sister you are sorry.”

But when we incorporate Thanks & Confessions it gives the kids an opportunity to unburden their hearts. 

It teaches them to take a moment to consider what might be weighing on their spirits and which relationships might need tending.

Siblings have so many interactions throughout the day, one after another, after another.  Many kindnesses pass without acknowledgement.  Many offenses pass without apology.  Over time hurt feelings begin to pile up.  Most often we can’t even remember why we feel frustrated and dissatisfied with each other, we just do.

 

Thanks & Confessions provides an opportunity for quiet reflection and true repentance.

 

This is powerful!

This is fellowship.

Not just practice for fellowship in their future relationships, but fellowship in their own most important relationships right now.

 

Jenny, if you ever happen to read this, thank you so very much for sharing this simple liturgy.

It’s so small you might have left it out.  We have been so blessed because you didn’t.  ❤

 

 

 

 

 

 

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